My Top 10 “Mistakes” As A New Mom

My Top 10 “Mistakes” As A New Mom

My Top 10 “Mistakes” As A New Mom

First things first; when you become a mom, you automatically become a “failure.” Every single thing you do will be scrutinised and judged by SOMEONE! Whether it’s the midwife, the mom in the shopping centre, your mother-in-law, your own mother…someone will always have something to say about how you parent your child. So, according to everyone else, here are my top 10 failures as a mom.

  1. Co-Sleeping: I wish I could fill this whole line with the shocked/scared face emoji, but I can’t so just imagine that it’s there. Why? Because that’s the face I get when people find out I co-sleep. Yes, I co-sleep. We have slept with Hudson in our bed since day 1. He slept with me in the hospital bed. It was the only way he would sleep, and most of the time, it still is. I never thought I would co-sleep and before having Hudson, I was misinformed and uninformed and thought it was terrible. Boy, was I in for a shock when my little was born. I love co-sleeping. LOVE IT. I read up on it and learned the benefits and can say with confidence now that it is safe and it is the right decision for us. I get so tired of people saying “that’s such a terrible habit! He’ll never go in his own bed alone.” or “Just let him cry himself to sleep.” How about this. Mind your own business and worry about your own damn kid.
  2. Breastfeeding: I get tired of this debate. I am an advocate for breastfeeding and personally I love it, and I think every woman should try it, but to each his own. I chose to breastfeed my son. I will breastfeed him until I choose to breastfeed him. If that’s when he’s 18 months, that’s my business. If it’s tomorrow, that’s my business. If it’s when he’s 3, that’s my business. If I had a penny for the amount of times people say, “Is he STILL breastfeeding?” or “When will you switch him to formula?” I’d be rich. So what you’re saying is, you’re going to make me feel obligated to breastfeed my son but then tell me I have to stop when you say?
  3. Baby-Led Weaning: I didn’t give Hudson any food until he was six months old, and really, I waited until he was closer to seven. People thought I was cruel for not giving him baby rice and not letting him try things. According to everyone else, he was old enough to have this, that, or the other pureed thing…but really, I don’t care. I did what I felt was right and now I have a healthy 9 month old who wants to eat everything. Even now, people are shocked that he breastfeeds as much as he does.
  4. Television: Ok, i’m not proud of this one. I occasionally turn the tv on and let him watch baby television. I was so ashamed the first time I did it, but I quickly realised that 15 minutes of tv means 15 minutes I get to do the dishes and tidy up in the morning. I’ve been told that I should wait until he’s two and that scientists say…I don’t know what they say because that’s about the time I stopped listening in that conversation.
  5. Baby Bruises: We have chosen not to baby proof our house. I will be writing a blog on this soon, but due to this, and the fact that my eight month old son is walking on his own, he is a bit bruised up. Saying this, he falls, bumps his head and never cries! He’s learned how to fall right on his bum, and he’s gained a lot of freedom. Yes, people freak out when they see the edges of my coffee table not bubble wrapped, and yes, people have asked me to baby proof my house. To them I say, he’ll be fine, and carry on sipping my tea.
  6. I Coddle Him: I know i’m not always going to be there for him when he cries. I realise that i’m going to have to leave him one day. So stop telling me I need to let him cry or leave him because he’ll be too dependent on me. Maybe he will. However maybe, he’ll just learn to be dependent through trusting me. I want him to always know that I will be there to help him. If he falls, I will be there. If there is a problem at school, he can cry to me. That is my job as his mom. If I “coddle’ him, it’s only because I love him too much and I know that there will be a time when he won’t need a cuddle anymore and I won’t get to spend my Saturday nights with him in my arms.
  7. I’m a Food Nazi: I take what my kid eats very seriously. I literally am like an army sergeant. I know that every one around me thinks i’m a complete nut job because I won’t let him have a biscuit and I read labels religiously to check for added salts and sugars, but I don’t care. I did at first. I would get so frustrated when people questioned me about why he can’t have juice…but now I just have confidence in my decisions. He’s nine months old. Why the hell would I give him extra salts and sugars and other crap his little body can get addicted to. Like I say to everyone else, he’ll have plenty of sugar in his lifetime, just not when he’s a baby. Leave me alone.
  8. I Forget Diapers: This is kind of funny. I am so bad at adulting. Honestly, I would forget my own head if it weren’t screwed on. I have a huge diaper bag and I try hard to keep it stacked to the brim with all the goodies Hudson could EVER need, but there are too many times where we get somewhere and oh shit, I forgot a clean diaper. No joke, I have had to wrap my son in muslin until we found a place to buy a diaper. Embarrassing? Yes. Total mom fail? Absolutely. Do people judge me? Probably. Do I care? Nope. I have never claimed to be perfect. I wasn’t born a mom, but I was born awesome.
  9. I Get Frustrated: When Hudson won’t sleep or won’t stop screaming or wakes up at 2 am and thinks it’s time to start the day, I get frustrated. Sometimes I get really frustrated. I get so embarrassed when I look back at these moments and feel like maybe i’m not cut out for this mom stuff, but I know that’s not the case. I see these perfect moms on Instagram and wonder if they ever want to chuck their babies out the window too. Then I realise that of course they do. We all do at some point. Why am I made to feel bad about loving my baby but not liking him sometimes? at The “new mom glow” isn’t real. It’s just a saying to make new moms feel good about themselves after pushing a 7 pound baby out of their vagina.
  10. I Got Him Vaccinated: This is another fun one. No matter what you do, someone will tell you you’re doing it wrong. I had people telling me not to vaccinate, I had people telling me I had to vaccinate,  I had people telling me to choose which vaccines I wanted. I consulted a doctor and spoke about what I had read and decided to vaccinate very closely to the schedule they recommend with a few minor adjustments. Oh did I hear it from all sides. According to one person, I might as well have bought him a coffin and according to someone else, I was an idiot for not just doing the exact schedule they gave me. According to me, he’s still getting everything everyone else is, just a little bit slower so that his body can handle it.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t judged other moms. We all do, but since having Hudson, I have definitely become more understanding of others. I have adapted a do-what-works-for-you attitude about most things. I think people make decisions, not mistakes. Like I said, everything you do will be considered a mistake by someone, but then again, Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are the two candidates for president so that’s the state of the world we live in. Own your mistakes! Be confident in your mistakes! Most importantly, smile and show the haters that your mistake is actually a great decision.

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Do you have anything you would add to the list? Share in the comments below! I would like to think i’m not the only one living life on the edge hehe.

Always,

Alexie
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51 Comments
  • Hahahahaha I relate to so many of your “mistakes”!! You do you girl!! We all have unique children cause we each raise them in our unique ways!! That’s something to enjoy!!

  • Chaza says:

    Great post. We co-sleep with our almost 2 year old too from the day one. We put him to sleep by himself but he wake up middle of the night and come to us which we are fine with. we love it. . People say so many things about every choice I take along the ways being a new mom including the way I breast feed. Sometimes I get confused and feel like scream “stop judging me” 🙂 but now I really don’t care. I am learning to ignore what they say. posts like this really helps me to believe in my self more than what others say. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    http://www.hugshomemade.com

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      Hi there! I am so glad you stopped by and commented and i’m so glad that this post impacted you! I am still learning how to ignore people and realise that they are probably just trying to help…but really they should just let moms do their own thing! Thanks for stopping by mama! Come back soon. Going to check out your blog now!

  • Ohhh i know that face about the co-sleeping!! In Spain they don´t seem surprised at all but if i hardly tell it back home in the netherlands because they´re just shocked / judgemental about it because it´s oh so dangerous.

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      Exactly! Its so annoying. My response to them is what do you think they did in the stone age? Its Natural. And If they took the time to do any research, I’m sure they would change their minds! I could rant about this forever!

  • Christina says:

    This is great. We are all so judgy. I hate it. It’s just so much easier to recognize when we are now that we are moms. I totally am with you on these… especially not baby proofing everything and the SUGAR. My GOSH!! Sugar is everywhere and it is such a constant battle. It’s so frustrating.

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      It is such a relief to hear another mom in the same boat! Sometimes I write a post and am so afraid to click publish because I’m thinking… Maybe you’re just a really crazy mom! Hahaha thanks for stopping by!

  • Lauren says:

    My great grandmother literally yelled at me to put my 2 month old down because I coddled her too much and said I would “spoil” her… I don’t know why some people take it upon themselves to make other people’s parenting choices their business.

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      yes. yes. and yes. I have gotten tired of reminding people that times have changed and that they had their chance to parent. sigh. just let us mamas get on with it!

  • I love this post. There are so many judgmental people out there, and it seems like you really can’t do anything without being judged by someone. Every mom is on her own journey, and we all do the best we can for our kids (well, most of us!) so I don’t know why people feel that they must question our decisions. And, for so many of these issues, there are well-thought-out arguments on both sides! I don’t think there is one “right” decision for a lot of these things.

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      Exactly the point I’m trying to make!! Let everyone make their own decisions. Like you said there will always be arguments for both sides so there isn’t even a point in fussing with a debate. Sigh. It’s just a way to reflect your own insecurities by judging others.

  • Jane Bearden says:

    I went through all this, and now I really could care less about what ppl think.. I haven’t baby proofed my house, and my almost 3 year old son has just recently tried ice cream and cake for the first time, and he drinks juice occasionally when we’re out. We will always be judged no matter what, and I also judge (trying not to, but stiill do) people who feed unhealthy foods to their little kids..It’s just for me I don’t get it, as they don’t get why I don’t babyproof my house..So we’re even I guess 🙂

    xo JANE xo
    http://livingwithjane.com/

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      AMEN! Very well said. I still struggle with what people are thinking about me, but hearing from all of you awesome moms makes me feel much better I must admit! Cheers to you mama!

  • I love this post so much! And I commit a lot of these “mistakes” too. The mommy judgement is very real, and much like Death eaters, scantimommies are very much among us (thats my quote, i’m using it!)

  • Amy Lu says:

    I love your honesty in this piece. I am glad to hear I am not the only mom who has forgotten diapers.

  • All of this. Just yes yes yes. I have so many “failures” that are similar to this list!!!

  • Lauren says:

    Can totally relate to almost all of these! Fortunately for me, I’ve become an expert on tuning all the people out who have an opinion. 😉

    http://www.myplotofsunshine.com

  • Amy says:

    Yes to all this!! As my mama always says…it’s very easy to raise other people’s kids…!!! I was just like you with sugar/food with no.1 but found it so much harder to enforce with no.2…which gives me the mama guilts daily! And as I have said before…no.1 was cuddled constantly and barely put down for the first year of her life (except to sleep….she wouldn’t co-sleep 😭) and she is the most confident independent strong willed free spirited 3.5 year old….so really I didn’t make ‘a rod for my own back’ did I MIL?!!! Anyway you are doing great…all we can all do is what is best for us and our littles!xxx

  • Vanessa says:

    YES!!!! Another cosleeping mama 🙂 🙂 🙂 I just had that conversation with a friend this morning and I said if I didn’t cosleep i would regret it but because i do, I will never regret these sweet moments! 🙂 <3 Keep being awesome, mama!

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      cosleeping is 100% the best decision i’ve ever made and EVERY other parent I know who cosleeps says the same thing. I love hearing from other cosleeping moms.

  • Katina says:

    I wouldn’t call these mistakes. I co-slept with all my children and they are fine. We don’t drink, do heavy drugs, or have sleeping problems. None on my children slept on their backs. They would manage to turn on their sides. My younges was turning on her tummy at 2 months old. Of course I was scared but I told the doctor, she said the baby is fine. I fed my last two a bit early. They were 10lbs at birth. They were hard to keep full. I never baby proofed my house beyond a gate. I have an 18 month old baby and keep a constant eye on her. I vaccinated my children at odd schedules. My choice though. I did so to watch reactions. There are several children on my hubsands side with autism. They always warned me to keep a close eye on my children. You are doing great momma!

  • Adree says:

    This is the story of my life. I have become a lot better at letting things roll of. Except when people try to feed my son something I don’t want him to have (especially when I have told them not to!) Thanks for sharing it’s nice to know someone else feels the same way!

  • Stacy says:

    Great post! You have to just do you and do what’s best for your family. I am a frazzled mom of 3 and though I used to always be so organized, I am in a constant state of overwhelm lately. It’s hard to keep up with both my big, school age kids and my potty training toddler. And if that means I have to blow dry my hair using the car ac on blast while on my way to a school event I totally forgot about, oh well!

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      hahaha amen mama! I don’t even blow dry my hair! Mom bun all the way and if people judge well then too bad!

  • Sophia says:

    These are not mistakes at all everyone has done this. I breast fed my son too, and everyone thought it was so strange.

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      exactly! Other people may give you the side eye for the decisions you make, but you have to be confident and know that you are doing the right thing. I am still learning to love myself and the way I parent!

  • This reminds of a cartoon I saw the other day in the Huffington post, “the bad mommy zoo”. Welcome to the club 🙂

  • I’m not a mom yet (maybe in a few years) but I absolutely can’t wait to have kids! Mom shaming is SO common. I try my best to think kindly towards parents. After all, they ultimately want what’s best for their kids! Thanks for sharing! I love reading what mothers have to say about motherhood 🙂

  • She's Cataleya's Mommy says:

    Love this! I completely agree, every family is different and we all have a unique style.

  • suzanne says:

    Love this! Without Sesame Street, my house would always be a complete disaster and I would never be able to shower 🙂

    xo
    Suzanne
    http://mykindofsweet.com/

  • Christina says:

    You keep on, Mama! I have heard this and more! I co-slept with my son for a little while, and I heard all the crap. I also decided to not breastfeed, and I heard crap about that. Here I am, however, with a sweet healthy two-year-old. He lived through it! lol

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      Hahahahaha yes! Like I said, at the end of the day what matters is that you have a happy and healthy baby! The steps in between are just fun and games really! People need to let us moms alone and let us get on with it. the reality is that we WILL make mistakes but thats how we learn.

  • Jackie says:

    hahah, I feel like I wrote this! People are always going to judge no matter what, it kind of sucks! But we do what works best for us! I co-sleep as well and I would not have it any other way because I actually get to sleep!! haha.

  • Funny enough a friend of mine just asked me couple hours ago about when I plan to stop breastfeeding. I am in no rush whatsoever. As a first time mom i can relate to most of these. It felt like i was reading my thoughts. There were so many things i felt guilty about being a mother but over time i understand its a learning process.

    • atflook@gmail.com says:

      Amen to that. It is definitely a learning process and everyone will be learning different things and in different ways. More people need to educate themselves about breastfeeding as well. I find it exhausting trying to defend myself…thanks for stopping by!!

  • Jen Enoch says:

    Yeah, I know some of these! I never baby proofed the house either (with the exception of dangerous items, of course), but I can remember saying, “there are just some things they will know not to touch” and they did. They knew what to avoid, and they learned to be careful.

  • Miri says:

    We are doing BLW too (well, our own version of it)! My husband hates it when our son watches TV, but sometimes Elmo is the only thing standing in between me and the brink of insanity, lol!

  • Fatima says:

    So many of these are on my list! I know how you feel. Someone is always going to judge you. I guess it comes with the title of mom. haha!

  • Loved this article! You just need to do what’s best for your baby and family!

  • Lacey says:

    I love everything about this post! Being a mom is hard enough without all the white noise from others trying to “help”

  • Melissa says:

    Yep, totally agree with these. You definitely can’t do everything right — do what works for you!

  • Your post is 100% relatable and in a sense, I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one feeling judged as a bad mother! We as moms, as women, should do more to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Loved this post!

  • Shakira G. says:

    My son is almost 3 mo and I’m doing (and planning to do) all 10 of your mistakes! 🙂

  • Fatima says:

    Lol, I love these!! So true tho, do what is best for you and your family!

  • LOVED this! One time I ran out of diapers at a friends and used one of her sanitary pads…lol People thought I was crazy because of how strict I was with my twins’ routine. We were always home for naptime and bedtime even if it meant missing out on things because this momma didn’t want to deal with overtired and cranky babies!

  • Naya says:

    You and I have made many of the same “mistakes” with our children. It’s so important to shut out the noise and do what works best for our families.

  • Rachel says:

    Great list! Like Chaza I’ve been cosleeping but mostly because my 2 year old wakes up every night in the middle of the night and in order to keep my sanity (and sleep) I let him sleep with us every night. I secretly love it!

  • I think that every parent does what they think is best for their own child. I mean, do parents make a decision and think, “Gosh, I want the worst thing for my kid!” ? Um, no they do not. I remember a professor telling us once in a child development class that you can never spoil a baby. So coddle away and don’t feel bad about it at all! At some point our kids will think they are too big for that so we better get it in now. 😉

  • chanel says:

    I love this post so much girl! there are things in this post that I totally do too and then there are things that I don’t do. but that’s what makes us great! we are raising diverse, little humans who have different view points which is AMAZING! i love learning and hearing from people who don’t do things the way I have chosen to. If we were all the same, it would be pretty boring 🙂

  • LOVE how vulnerable and real and raw this is. You’re right. You do YOU. And you should be paid a dime every time the negativity comes your way!

    Coming Up Roses

  • love this post! it’s so true and everyone just needs to keep their mouth shut. As a mom of two now, I’ve really learned to just not really care what anyone says. I just do what my mom gut tells me 🙂

Hi, I'm Alexie Flook

I am a twenty-something year old world-traveler, turned stay at home mom! I live in Maryland with my 2 year old son, one month old daughter, beautiful British husband, and neurotic boxer dog! This space is filled with honest reviews, personal musings, and my successes and failures as a natural homeopathic mother and wif

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  • Those moments when your toddler comes over and asks you for a cuddle and falls asleep in your arms. They are so few and far between and I swear there is nothing sweeter. In the midst of the terrible twos, his peaceful slumber is always the reminder I need that he's still my baby.
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