Mom Guilt: You’re Not Alone
Mom Guilt: You’re Not Alone
It has been said before that, “Mommin’ ain’t easy.” Well today was one of those days, and it sucked. It’s only 7:00 pm and I have already been in bed for an hour because I am literally so emotionally exhausted from being a pregnant mom to a seriously cranky toddler. Today I cried, I pleaded, I bribed, I may or may not have lost my temper, and I hated it.
I hate being that mom.
My ankles are swollen and I’m so physically and emotionally exhausted that the only word that comes to mind right now is defeat. Today I was defeated. Storybooks are not written about days like today. These are the days that no one tells you about when you’re pregnant; the days that make you feel like a failure. The days that make you wonder if you’re cut out for this mom thing.
Hudson is a very high needs child. He’s been throwing king-size tantrums since he was old enough to walk (and he started walking at 9 months), and there have been countless days where I questioned my ability to be his mom.
I remember one day I couldn’t get him to stop crying and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him so I just sat on the floor of the bathroom with him and we cried together. Not a pretty sight. There have been other times where I find myself so angry that I have to put him in his crib and walk away, and it’s not until I’m sitting in my room under the covers begging God to HELP that the oh too familiar feeling of guilt creeps in. Is he going to remember this? Will he forgive me for being so angry? Am I ruining his childhood? WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS?
Mom Guilt is an issue. A serious one so let me be the first to confess that some days, I just can’t mom. Some days Hudson gets a lot more than 30 minutes of screen time because I am too tired to get out of bed. Some times, when i’m not 33 weeks pregnant, I have a bottle of wine after he goes to bed because I actually need it. On some occasions, when Hudson has been crying and flailing uncontrollably for an extended period of time, I think about what 26 year olds who don’t have kids are doing.
I Am Guilty. But I am NOT a bad mom.
We have to be more realistic. We have to be more supportive. We have to rely less on the perfect Instagram feeds and more on each other. When they say, It takes a village, they actually mean it takes a freakin’ metropolitan city. Mama, you are not alone. Instagram is not reality. We all have bad days. We all freak out. We all lose our cool. Every. Single. One of us has acted like that mom. I’ve had to realize that feeling guilty is a way to be accountable for my actions but it can’t control me.
At the end of every bad day, without fail, Hudson wakes up or comes out of his room and the first thing he wants is me. His tiny embrace and the way he pats my back when he hugs me is the reminder I need that I’m not a failure. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not perfect, but I am enough. We are in this life thing together. He is teaching me how to be a patient, calm and loving mom and I am teaching him to be a functioning, potty-trained human being (hopefully without either of us losing our minds). The crazy stuff in between is normal. So let’s normalize it instead of keeping quiet about it. Let’s love each other instead of pointing fingers or whispering.
We have all been there. We are in this together.
Now go hug your babies and have a good day!